Emotional Intimacy

by Cave Babies

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1.
i am gonna cry when i finally get into bed oh, i don’t know why i’m in the state i’m in when will it end? i lay my head and close my eyes imagine i am on the other side of this thing if i can dream it i know i can get there i’m lying still arms at my side if i don’t move is it like i’m in hiding from the potential of something a future of nothing i am gonna cry when i finally get into bed oh, if only i needed a good nights rest to feel alive i am gonna cry when i get to the other side of this thing if i can dream it i know i can get there
2.
emotional intimacy but more than just in therapy i'll give some to you you'll give it back to me we'll share stories under a dead oak tree and try to learn to see each other true truly try to see each other through the things that we perceive may not be true i want to see the real you emotional intelligence but more than just in self-defense the ability to manipulate how you see me and how we relate makes it impossible to see each other true truly try to see each other through the things that we perceive may not be true i want to see the real you emotions get the best of me sometimes bring out the worst in me but if i focus on the parts of me that feel the deepest empathy then we can start to see each other true truly try to see each other through the things that we perceive may not be true i want to see the real you and i i want to be the realest too
3.
imagine you 01:13
imagine you in my dreams imagine you dreaming and when you fall asleep do you imagine me?
4.
oh my god  the walls they are closing around me  it's all so consuming  the smell of your hair when you wet it  the soft of your mouth it's pathetic  how i get so lost in the moment  that i can't think at all
5.
sleeping over it's hard to sleep  reach across your back to check the time  and roll back over  is it the company that we keep  or just that feeling of warmth that keeps us here  when we know better  it's been a long time coming  and it'll take a long time to get back  to forget what it's like to not be sleeping alone  and i'm wondering if i should have just stayed home  to avoid all the hurt that i'm feeling right now  no i would not ever take it back
6.
the birds outside my window sing to me and only me la la la la
7.
i tried to speak part of a panel discussion  but maybe i think i'm better talking one on one  cause when i'm asked to talk in front of a room full of people  i just start to cry i can't find my tongue  cause cat got my whole mouth today  i can't talk about what i care about  but i have got so much to say  i can't talk about what i care about  i can't talk about what i care about  it's not that i'm shy  this is more than just some nervous feeling  i think i might die  or at least i'll projectile vomit
8.
i miss my friends, do they miss me? i hurt my friends and that hurts me i started doing therapy to learn to be a better me a communicative practice with someone that you trust who will help you account for all the ways that you fucked up but don’t let anxiety get the best of you i miss my friends, do they miss me? i hurt my friends and that hurts me i started doing embroidery to learn to be a better me some kind of meditative practice anything will do make that time to think about the things that bother you and don’t let anxiety get the best of you i miss my friends, do they miss me? i hurt my friends and that hurts me i started doing therapy cause i’m better than my anxiety i can be better than my anxiety i am better than my anxiety i will be better than my anxiety
9.
so absurd 01:19
it's so absurd that i can sell tapes with songs that i wrote about how i learned from the ways that i have hurt my friends
10.
sex positive 01:04
sex positive but i’m positive that i am mostly not interested in sex in my life but i’m romantic as shit and there’s some things that feel right like holding hands and kissing and just cuddling at night sex positive but i’m positive that i am mostly not interested in sex in my life but i’m romantic as sin and there’s some things that i like they’re emotional and sensual and they’re romantic as shit
11.
if you think the days alone are long the nights alone are longer if you turn your pain into a song it can help you become stronger
12.
rebeccas 02:35
13.
why are you so afraid of me why are you so afraid of me why do you think i’m scary is it because i’m so hairy? but so are dogs, and you love dogs and so are cats, but you love cats
14.
i got a number why don’t you call it i’m just sitting around wasting time at home so when you’re ready the lines are open just call me up and we’ll make plans to hang out but i’ve got your number why can’t i call it? i’m just sitting at home wasting time alone i get so anxious i can’t control it but maybe you get anxious too we’re both doomed
15.
i’ll never know why i did what i did
16.
wading out in the water thinking to yourself when you see your reflection really saw yourself floating up in the middle of an endless sky floating higher and higher as your mouth gets dryer and you mumble to yourself but only salt comes out you keep mumbling your words and all these birds fly out you look back at the ground and you can see your house but you just keep floating away oohhhhhhh let me back down i don't want to go yet but i hate this town fuck waking up in the morning thinking to yourself how you need something more to save your mental health than a place just to lay your head and go to sleep but a place you can grow and really plant your feet find a place where they build more than just shopping malls where you build each other up so you don't feel so small you look up to the sky and you can see it all but you just keep fading away oohhhhhhh let me get out i don't want to be here i hate this town but i'll miss my parents
17.
wrong way 01:22
i turned the wrong way down a one way  and i'm not going back  gotta follow my path  and it's your fault if i crash  get out of my way  cause i've got places to go  get out of my way  i've got people to see  and things i believe in  i think differently  i drew the short stick in the long run  but i won't give it back  i will take what i have  and do the best that i can  get out of my way  cause i've got places to go  get out of my way  i've got people to see  and things i believe in  i think differently
18.
19.
watch me turn something into nothing or was it ever really there? it's just an echo of a past life floating high up in the air watch me live inside of my own head where i can still live in the past where i can drown in my nostalgia i know that this won't last so how do i move forward and how do i become a person that i'm proud of and ready to move on? watch me take sad and make it hopeful i'll take despair and make it shine i'll find the door and break it open i'll take the future, make it mine watch me turn nothing into something or was it something all along? just elements in transformation watch me turn pain into a song are you watching me? yeah we're watching you are you watching over me? yeah we're watching over you are you here with me? yeah we're here with you

about

i have this vague desire for intimacy but mostly i feel confused about it. i've always been a good listener and then i found the internet and, well, you can share whatever you want on the internet, and maybe your friends will see it and someone might respond. it feels like less pressure on the people you're sharing with, and on you, and just seems safer. or, you can write songs, like i've tried writing songs, where you share about feelings or experiences you've had and maybe someone out there will relate to it. maybe they'll even send you a note, thanking you for helping them put something into words. or for validating thoughts that they've also been thinking about. i know that i'm always looking for songs and words that speak to me. and that's all good. it's great. but it can create this false sense of intimacy too. there's no real trust. this relationship isn't really grounded in anything real. at least not yet. so what is it? it's convenient. it's fast food big box online shopping intimacy. but i think there's still a value in this. in sharing thoughts and writing words and songs, in drawing comics and everything else... because they can lead to actual relationships with people. opportunities to build trust overtime, to learn boundaries, to share deeply and listen even deeper. to just move slowly and be mindful and learn from mistakes and to teach and to have fun and to live like you feel connected to actual other real life people. to feel supported. and protected. and challenged. and loved. and i know that i've had this before. i'm not sure if i have it right now but i think i will again.

and so, for now, here are some songs, thank you.

credits

released January 8, 2020

gaggle vox on the last song by: carolyn, justin, spencer & uli

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Cave Babies Davis, California

it's me... josh hoshwa redman

diy pop "whisper punk" from southern california. now living in northern california.

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